SPRINGFIELD (BJS) - Today Bills Jean Shop announced a new "Piracy" initiative. This includes some new rules employees are required to follow in the workplace. They can be found below.
All employees must dress like old timey pirates from the 1800s.
Employees must make every attempt to purchace a pirate ship for the company
The employee who DOES sucessfully purchace a pirate ship for the company will get to spend up to 5 minutes with it doing whatever they want.
Please note the money spent on the pirate ship must come out of the employees own paycheck.
Employees will be renamed pirates
Actually scratch that last one that is pretty stupid
Employees must deliver 5 golden doubloons to the Bills Jean Shop overlords desks by 3:31am every Thursday or face the risk of being fired via pirate ship cannon
Yes that last one means what you think it means
Every employee must undergo mandatory barrel tucking training
Employees must steal at least $3 in value from their loved ones
If an employee wishes, they may steal more, but they cannot steal any more than $5 in value. We are ethical pirates
A quote from the Bills Jean Shop overlords can be found below explaining the sudden initiative
"Yeah I dont know man I was sitting around the other day and I watched the Pirates of the Caribbean movies and thought 'dang this would be sick if we had this at my business' and sha bang here we are"
"Why $3 in value? It is a reference to the first and only $3 I made"
"How did I make it? Old lady robbery"
"You can't tell me what is illegal and what isn't!!"
This initiative comes just before Bills Jean Shop is scheduled to release their November earnings report for the 2025 year.