Quarterly Earnings Meeting - Nov 2024

SPRINGFIELD (BJS) -- Bills Jean Shop released their quarterly earnings this Thursday. Highlights include, $0 net profit for Bills Jean Shop, and $0 net profit for Saul's Sauce. A spokesperson said, in a statement made out to ourselves, "We blame the lack of any profit whatsoever for Saul's Sauce on the fact it is simply not open yet. However, for Bills Jean Shop, there is a different reason. We keep selling stuff with our warrenty, which claims if the item is defective in any way, we will refund all your money. To solve this issue, today we are announcing an updated warrenty. Simply, if an item is defective, we will charge you double, as we see the consumer at fault here, not us. This should expedite profits substantially, and we know the consumers will love it."

Charts

"This chart goes through our total profits over the last two years. As you can see, we are in the gray."

"This chart goes through our full time employees over the last two years. We accidentally hired 32 people in December of 2023"

"This chart goes through how many times any of our products have spontaneously combusted. It has been gradually increasing, but the government recommended safe limit is zero, so we are safely above that."

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